By: Naveen Varathan
Causes For Adultery
Research has found that there are 5 main reasons for Adultery:
1. Loneliness
If one partner in the relationship tends to often spend their time away from home (business trips, preferring to spend time with freinds etc.), the other partner develops a feeling of emptiness and assumes that the only way to feel whole again is through having an affair.
2. Communication Barriers
Poor communication in a marriage or relationship invariably causes problems. Conflicts are bound to arise throughout a relationship, however if left unresolved, a build up of resentment can form between the two individuals. Furthermore, if both partners are unwilling to discuss the topic with each other, there is no possible circumstance where the confilct can subside. As a result, each partner may lose their entitled feelings to one another, and therefore choose to have an affair in order to make up for that feeling of loss.
3. Limited Love and Affection
It may be bluntly obvious, but as marriage/relationships are built off love and affection, it naturally seems that the decrease in the love and affection in a relationship is the main reason why people choose to have affairs. As life starts to have an impact on a relationship, the sparks that once ignited a romance, gradually becomes extinguished as the love shown
between both partners significantly decreases.
Furthermore, because of the inability to show
affection to ones partner, it creates a feeling of
rejection. As stated in a survey done by SelfGrowth,
"20% claimed that the emotional side of their
relationship was lacking...while [15% claimed that]
physiological needs as their reason for their
dishonesty." (Young). Feeling unwanted by their
partner results in some individuals pursuing the
actions of adultery in order to compensate for the
lack of affection they get from their partner.
4. Poor Sexual Relationship
"It doesn’t take a scientist to observe that because the sex in a long-term committed monogamous relationship involves the same partner day after day after day, no one who is truly human (or mammalian) can maintain the same level of lust and ardor that he or she experienced when that love was uncharted and new." ~ Sonya Lyubomirsky
Both individuals in a relationship will eventually lose sexual interest in one another along the course of their lives. As sexual bordem is inevitable, the dissatisfied feeling that emerges leads to individuals looking for a new way to experience the forgotten feeling of desirable lust. According to a study done by Rutger's University, "56% of men who have affairs claim to be happy in their marriages." (Birch). With this said, it is ultimately the displeasure that one feels in the bedroom that leads to adultery.
Often times when someone is having an affair, it does not result from the disliking of the physical intimacy that they have with their partner, but rather their psychological mindset that is the reason for the blasphemous action. When it comes down to it, one will become psychologically bored before any physical bordem emerges, "...if you accept the premise that sex begins in the mind and travels downward, not vice versa." (Bader). Therefore, by prioritizing the act of determining when one starts to psychologically get bored in the relationship, both partners can execute a plan to ensure that that issue is dealt with.
Performance and psychological depression may be reasons for people to perform adultery, however frequency also plays a big role. Recent survey's by Self-Growth state that, "65% of those who admitted to adultery in a relationship had said that they lacked sexual intimacy and so they tried to find it elsewhere." (Young). A gradual decrease of frequency in sexual acts in a long-term relationship is understandable, however once it reaches an inadequate point, one or even both partners may look to others to fulfill their physiological and psychological needs.
5. Lack of Intimacy
As a sum of all the previous reasons stated, intimacy is what revolves around a strong and healthy marriage. Without it, one feels unloved and unwanted, which is the reason why infidelity occurs. Therefore no matter what, if one wants a marriage/relationship to last, they must be intimate on all terms with their partner.
